What somatic healing can sometimes look like.

What somatic healing can sometimes look like

What is somatic healing?

Somatic healing is a release of past trauma or triggers that your mind, body and spirit have experienced and held on to. The sensations of that moment stay until you have the tools needed to process in a safe way. It’s a personal experience and varies for everyone. There are different ways to do somatic work in order to help each of us in our unique ways. One size does not fit all and the same modality does always work for each situation.

I got the nudge to share ONE of my somatic healing experiences.

About 2 years ago I reached out to my therapist as I had a mental block and needed help understanding it. My therapist suggested ART therapy. It looks at rapid eye movement along with body sensations. I giggled when I heard that and said.  “It’s like reiki, it’s how the body holds emotions in the energy of our bodies.” My therapist said, “Oh this will be fun.” 

And it has been! It’s been very healing. It’s a form of somatic healing actually. Being in the body and feeling the feels and following where they lead. Allowing the mind and body to show and share what is ready to surface.

One of my sessions opened up something that I didn’t expect at all. 

I have had in my life what I call “rerun dreams” and I had had one prior to this session. I recalled it during the therapy session and this started a deep healing journey. I had thought that some PTSD came from my experiences in grade school. But it actually started during the first few weeks of life. That “rerun” dream was an old memory that was trying to come forward.

During my session, the visual of the dream, now realizing it was a memory, began to connect so many dots during the first 11 years of my life. 

Trigger warning..

There was a predator within the family. They are no longer alive but I had suspicions and no proof. They had worked really hard to keep their stuff secret and used manipulation. Gaslighting, turning me into a scapegoat, getting bullied, plus more. Their behavior was just really odd, inappropriate, but it never was obvious enough for people to really see it clearly.

The proof came through my ART therapy session and somatic experiences. Then I would share my healing with my dad, simply because that's our relationship. Only this time, me sharing with him helped him understand his past experiences with this person and things got validated on both ends.

I’m deeply grateful to have this kind of relationship with my dad as I know so many don’t have that gift. The root of our connection is truth and honesty. My dad didn’t have that as a kid and he wanted better for his own kid. All parents want to do better and give more than what they experienced, that’s where growth happens.

In no way do I blame my parents for not knowing about this family member. There is no way they could have known and I know that if they did my story would be different. Near the end of my mom’s life, memories began to surface for her and the trauma she had experienced. How she reacted to that and how my dad reacted have both validated that they had no idea.

Still with me?

Now for something lighter since we are talking about heavier topics. During those 11 years I was being protected. I had spiritual guides with me the whole step of the way. I didn’t see them, I had actually turned off my ability to see when I was 3 years old because the truth I was seeing was simply too much for me. I only allowed myself to feel. 

So, during these sessions with my therapist, two guides showed themselves to me and shared just how hard they worked on keeping me safe while I was around that person. 

A siberian tiger and a large green dragon, my strong fierce protectors. They became that intuitive voice of “don’t go to sleep” or “you need to get out of this space”.

Through processing these memories and the truth within them and the layers they have, I felt the pull to honor these guides through a tattoo. Tattoos can also have moments of somatic release when you choose to be emotionally in your body while it’s happening. 

My last tattoo session decided to do just that. I had a slight suspicion I might release something, but again you never know till it happens. I know this only happened because my artist understands my story and is respectful. So my whole self felt safe. 

I often do some fascia work on the area so it doesn't hurt any more than it needs to. But this session was different. She got to work on adding green to my dragon and I began to notice my muscles tense up. This reminded me of my ART therapy sessions when I’m in the middle of processing hidden trauma. 

So I went inward to understand what was happening. Memories and moments with the predator began to flash through my mind with pure unfiltered RAGE. The tattoo began to hurt more, so I decided to focus on honestly releasing the RAGE to the light and my tattoo started to hurt less. This went on for nearly an hour.

My artist noticed things might be hurting more as she went over the same area. I said nope you're good, moments and memories are coming through and I'm focusing on breathing and releasing it out. She was very supportive in hearing this and she kept working.

The placement of the tattoo was also connected to one of the memories. It wasn’t intentional, it just came through. It simply adds to healing the traumatic moment it was connected to.

At one point I called on my dragon to use fire to completely release what was left as it was becoming so overwhelming that I really wanted to be able to shake my whole body. It helped tremendously! And then my artist took a break and I did a full body shake at that moment. This can help the nervous system regulate. Much like a dog shakes off when they need to adjust.

After that the rest of the tattoo session was normal. Normal sensations, normal degree of pain, and light hearted conversation. 

Afterwards, I went home and took a nap and did reiki on my tattoo to aid in its healing and to work on the emotional residue left behind.

Somatic healing isn't meant to be forced, the body is so smart and knows when it’s ready. It comes down to working with a safe person and trusting your body as you learn the proper tools. 

I don’t go looking for it, but I do listen to what I've learned and face it when it comes. It's truly a blessing.